Protective Parents for Children's Rights

Forum for protective parents and advocates who are concerned for children's safety and rights to be heard in custody decisions. This forum is dedicated to helping victims of domestic violence and child abuse from being revictimized in the legal system.

PRESS RELEASE FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: 12/29/09 “Children Taken By the Family Courts” Handprints Albany, New York For the 1st year, the Seventh Annual Battered Mothers Custody Conference 2010, Battered Women, Abused Children, and Child Custody, A National Crisis VII: “Now That We Know, What Are We Doing About It?” is hosting the construction of children’s handprints who have been taken by the family courts. www.batteredmotherscustodyconference.org January 8th, 9th, and 10th 2010 in Albany, New York. This is a national crisis in the family courts all over the US and Mothers are losing custody….unfairly by a court system that is not protecting our children. Just imagine, a long clothesline, with mini wooden clothespins, and handprints of all sizes, representing protective mothers and their children who have been “legally kidnapped” by the family courts. We are asking Mothers who have lost physical custody of their child(ren) to create handprints to commemorate their lost child(ren). Throughout weekend of the conference, we will be providing materials and ask Mothers to add paper cut-out handprints to the clothesline. However, Mothers do NOT need to be in attendance at the conference in order to add their handprints. Please mail the handprints before Jan. 2, 2010 to: Linda Marie Sacks P.O. Box 730966 Ormond Beach, FL 32173 Questions…..call Linda Marie 386-453-3017 after Jan 2, 2010 please mail to: Dr. Mo Hannah, Chair, BMCC 2010 26 Purtell Avenue Latham NY 12110 mhannah413@aol.com 518-210-2487 Instructions: Place your child’s hands on a piece of paper, cardstock works best, trace your child’s handprints (left and right) on colored paper, cut out and write a message if you’d like and mail before the conference to Linda Marie, as she will constructing the clothesline and will have it at the conference. After the Jan. 2th date…please send to Dr. Mo Hannah. Sadly, if you cannot see your child(ren) to trace their handprints, please, trace YOUR handprints for every child you have lost to the crisis in the courts. Once the handprints are constructed, we will lend it out to individuals and organizations for promoting and publicizing the problems faced by battered mothers and children within the family court system. One day justice will prevail…..thanks to all the wonderful people who are part of the solutions to the family court crisis. Contact: Dr. Mo Hannah, Chair BMCC 2010 518-210-2487 mhannah413@aol.com or Linda Marie Sacks 386-453-3017 lindamariesacks@aol.com

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    Just lost my kids

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    ragiannie

    Posts : 2
    Join date : 2010-05-14

    Just lost my kids

    Post by ragiannie on Fri May 14, 2010 11:17 am

    I found this site via Claudine D. and I am going to post here exactly hat I sent her.

    Everyone, if I sound hostile right now, please forgive me, its only been a month. And I know I got off easy compared to some of you... I just hate this. Those kids are all I know.

    Here's what I sent her.
    Here is my whole story. While I am not innocent in any of this, I do
    feel losing my kids was far to high a price to pay for my sins.

    When
    I was just shy of 17 years old I began speaking to a local pastor's son
    long distance. He lived in Ohio and I in New York. His little brother
    and I were very good friends when we were kids. This was how I began my
    relationship with David Oravec. This is where my nightmare starts.
    After
    several months of telephone flirtation he invited me to take a bus to
    his house in Ohio. I did. I came from a bad background. My mom just quit
    being a parent after my dad left, I had already dropped out of school. I
    had no real relationship with my father or sisters. I was a bit of a
    rebel. So I left to visit David in Ohio, and didn't come back to NY.
    He was wonderful in the beginning. Strong and confident, assertive and
    motivated. This was so refreshing from the mess I just came from. I
    moved in with him in August 1995 He hit me the first time on May 27,
    1996. It was a slap across the face at camp in front of his best friend
    who did nothing.
    It was that very weekend I got pregnant with our
    first child, Dylan. Again, Dave's father was a preacher so I was
    coerced, 'encouraged' and then finally threatened into marrying David. I
    was 18 when I married him and 6 months pregnant. And through the
    pregnancy i was beaten, punished, 'taught' lessons. And the cycle began.
    7 years of this. It was so bizarre and went day to day based on what he
    wanted. First I didn't work at all, then he forced me to get a job
    which I would have for a week or two, then he would make me quit or I
    would get fired for having to leave early to get the kids from the
    closing daycare. I got to enroll in school only for David to force me to
    quit 2 weeks before the term started. He forced me out of school to get
    a job which I got fired from after 3 weeks because I had no one to
    watch my 2 year old and newborn.
    He really like pouncing on me when i
    was pregnant.
    I was forced into 3 abortions by him through our
    marriage which hindsight, I thank god for. 3 more kids to mess up???
    So
    in December of 2001 my husband had his older brother Dan move in. I
    figured this was going to be double the abuse. I was wrong. after a few
    months of Dan being there he showed compassion and kindness. I began
    having an affair with him.
    When David found out he busted me up
    pretty good. And I ended up in jail because I had ran away from the
    house, Dave called the police and made a report that even the officer
    didn't believe. I did break the rails on the stairs. I did do that. But
    Dave told them I held a knife to him.
    That day: here is the truth of
    what happened
    We had began fighting over chip dip. Our bedroom was
    upstairs and he brought the chips up to bed to eat. He left it out. He
    told me to go down and put it away. I refused. I was exhausted and half
    asleep already. I was 2 days past from having the final abortion and I
    was still bleeding very heavy. He told me again to put it away and when I
    refused the second time I got a remote control thrown at my head.
    That's when I was held hostage for 3 days. He broke my leg.
    On the
    third day he flipped out. I swear of all the times he ever hit me,
    kicked me, choked me, anything I was never more afraid than that day he
    began beating himself. he pulled his own hair out of his head. He banged
    his own head against the door frame. He scratched himself. and then he
    bit himself. He told me if I ran he would call the cops and say I
    stabbed him. He grabbed a steak knife and held it over his hand. I ran. I
    ran in January on a broken leg, and bleeding.
    He called the police,
    true to his word. We both got arrested that day. Him for a harassment
    and me for assault. On my children I never touched that man. He's HUGE.
    6'2" to my 5'5. He;s in the military, I am all of 95 lbs. I was
    terrified of him and his punishments,
    So I went to jail for 3 days.
    He got R.O.R.ed. I got $500 bail. His parents knew judge restano. I
    didn't have anybody.
    But his brother Dan, whom I had the affair with
    came to my rescue. He bailed me out of jail. He moved me and my kids in
    with him. And as stupid as it was at the time I can honestly tell you I
    have no strength or power to say no or stop at that point I was
    defeated.
    I started therapy. I was introduced to a brand new term to
    me called PTSD. I stayed with Dan in a romantic arena. He was what I
    needed I guess at that time. I was so screwed up. I didn't sleep. I
    cried all the time. My kids were a wreck. I was scared of everyone. I
    didn't leave my house. Then I got put on medication. and more therapy.
    A
    year after the divorce, David filed for custody of my kids. We settle
    this case on joint custody week to week access. The law guardian said if
    I didn't settle I would lose the kids all together. I settled. As soon
    as I left the courtroom that day I knew I made a bad decision. I had won
    the kids in the divorce. I was so naive back then. I still am, but a
    little more educated and less optimistic.
    So I began my campaign to
    get them back home. Petition after petition dismissed. Finally I got a
    trial. Dave counter sued. 4 years of back and forth. He won. Based on
    his parents money, his parents availability and his parents position in
    life. I was deemed less credible. Not an unfit parent, but the less fit
    parent. David was labeled as being intellectually and emotionally
    superior. The judge even said "The father seems motivated to be
    independent, however he has the added advantage of having his parents to
    rely on"
    How can you contradict yourself like that?

    Through
    the course of the 4 year trial, I had met the man I had been looking for
    my whole life. I left Dan after 6 years of being with him and married
    Joe. (it sounds sappy but he truly is my soulmate). David had also began
    dating a woman named Kristen whom I went to high school with. He met
    her in November and she was pregnant by december2008. They married in
    June 2009. He is beating her now. The kids see it all.

    Dylan
    and My daughter Olivia hate him. When the week to week custody thing
    happened my Livie began wetting the bed. Now she is defecating during
    the day. Not just wetting but actually soiling herself. I am not allowed
    to take her to a doctor. When we had joint custody week to week she was
    in therapy that I kept secret for over a year. When Dave found out he
    wrote the therapist and said he never agreed to get her therapy.

    I
    found a new therapist, and Then custody was awarded to him so she can't
    see Dr. Bongivanni now either.

    I have a 5 year old daughter as
    well, not from David but from Dan. Dylan and Livie never get to see her
    now.
    I was awarded "Significant visitation" of Tuesday, Thursday and
    every other weekend. That is way more than most mom's get in my case.
    Way more. And while I'm grateful for that, I have never really been
    apart from them. Even during the week to week thing with dave he bailed
    on most of his times. I always had them. I have been their primary care
    giver since birth! How the hell does this happen??
    I have no record
    save the DV from my marriage! He has been arrested for possession of
    heroin, DWI, speeding doing 97 in a 40! I don't even have a parking
    ticket!

    He has a DV record that goes back to Ohio!
    HOW DO THEY
    DO THIS?!?!?

    My daughter is threatening suicide. My son is
    threatening homicide.
    I have an appeal in but WHAT DO I DO?
    I
    have tried finding help here and and all we have is the Y.

    AMothersPlight

    Posts : 1
    Join date : 2010-05-15

    Re: Just lost my kids

    Post by AMothersPlight on Sat May 15, 2010 10:23 am

    Oh my darling, our experiences are so similar. We are soul sisters, bonded through our experience, our pain, our strength and determination to survive to love ourselves and our children. Please stay in touch.

    Dena @ http://twitter.com/AMothersPlight

    and http://justiceforallmothers.blogspot.com/

    silverside

    Posts : 2
    Join date : 2010-05-17

    Re: Just lost my kids

    Post by silverside on Mon May 17, 2010 9:15 am

    HOLY SH**! This is western New York, isn't it???

    Dr. Anthony Bongiovanni (the psychologist mentioned here) is "quietly" known to have been a wife beater in Chautauqua County. He used to practice in Dunkirk, New York. Now he's is suburban Buffalo, in Amherst (Erie County, NY). He is also active in fathers rights--he spoke on "maternal gatekeeping" at a "fatherhood summit" sponsored by Fathers Rights of Jamestown back in 2002. I know--I went as a "mole." This is the custody evaluator who recommended that my daughter be placed with her abusive, neglectful father--where she stayed for 11 long years until my daughter couldn't stand it anymore. When I went to the BMCC a few years ago and talked to some DV people from Buffalo, they all knew Bongiovanni. He has quite a reputation for screwing mothers and children.

    silverside

    Posts : 2
    Join date : 2010-05-17

    Re: Just lost my kids

    Post by silverside on Mon May 17, 2010 9:23 am

    By the way, Family Court Judge Judith Claire in Chautauqua County is also intimately associated with fathers rights (her campaign was financed and administered by the former head of Fathers Rights of Jamestown.) The counseling agencies are also very bad--M. Dean Patton is fathers rights (Agape) and so was Family Services. Here's some information from a recent chapter in a book that was just published:

    Jamestown, New York, Family Services of Jamestown, at least in mid-1990s, administered a Parent Education and Custody Effectiveness (PEACE) program that was marketed as a statewide “dispute resolution” program offering an “alternative approach to resolving the issues of custody and visitation.” The New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence (OPDV)—to mention just one domestic violence organization—strongly cautions against the use of counseling, alternative dispute resolution services, or mediation for persons who have been in abusive relationships. Usually, such programs are found to pose significant safety concerns and to encourage victim-blaming and “compromise.” Given this, it’s highly suggestive that the president of “I Love Being a Dad,” a Jamestown FRs association affiliated with Fathers’ Rights Association of New York (FRANY), served on the board of Family Services of Jamestown and that “I Love Being a Dad” promoted its mediation services in its organizational literature. [ii]

    Fathers’ Rights Spin

    It also should be noted that when another board member of “I Love Being a Dad” was charged with aggravated harassment in the second degree and criminal trespassing in the second degree subsequent to an incident at his ex-wife’s house, the fathers’ rights board member in question actually sent a letter to the [i]Jamestown Post-Journal
    arguing that counseling or mediation (rather than his arrest) would represent “better ways of dealing with unresolved feelings and issues.” Unfortunately, the board member in question was apparently incapable of following through on his own advice, as he was soon thereafter charged with harassment in yet another incident.[iii]




    [i] New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence, “Model Domestic Violence Policy for Counties,” January 1999, at http://www.opdv.state.ny.us/coordination/model_policy/guiding.html.




    [ii] Cheryl Mason, “Fathers Cope with Being Part-Time Parents,” Jamestown Post-Journal, October 26, 1997.




    [iii] Jamestown Post-Journal, December 28, 2003; Jamestown Post-Journal, January 11, 2004; Jamestown Post-Journal, January 25, 2004.

    ragiannie

    Posts : 2
    Join date : 2010-05-14

    Re: Just lost my kids

    Post by ragiannie on Wed May 19, 2010 2:49 pm

    OMG.
    I am such a fool.
    I heard the alarms go off when I mentioned to Bongiovanni that the custody evaluator was Dr. WArren Keller and he said the man trained under him. That the dr. keller was his protege`.

    How could I be so stupid??
    How could I not follow my gut again?
    No more. I will not over look my instincts any longer.

    mnmommy

    Posts : 1
    Join date : 2010-10-15

    Re: Just lost my kids

    Post by mnmommy on Fri Oct 15, 2010 11:07 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. Why is this happening? Why is it legal? How can it be stopped? My story is so similar, and it's a living nightmare.

    keepalowprofile

    Posts : 2
    Join date : 2013-03-23

    Re: Just lost my kids

    Post by keepalowprofile on Sat Mar 23, 2013 8:54 pm

    This is so typical and so heartbreaking.


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